Ronald Reagan’s Blood For Sale

[Charon]

Who says he does? He just proposed turning the executive branch over to them for Valen's sake.
And frankly everybody who knows cats has problems with them. They're egotistic (has your dog ever sprawled on your keyboard because it wanted attention?), they bring mice into your home and actually expect to be lauded for it, they will completely arbitrarily decide they no longer like the brand of cat food you just stocked up on because until now, they loved it, they'll ignore the not inconsiderably expensive scratch post you got them because your sofa looks much more inviting, and occasionally some of them decide that drooling on your face is a perfectly ok way to wake you up in the morning.
We put up with all that because we love them. And, of course, because they have the power of the purr.

Selina made you sleep on the couch again, didn't she?

[Batman]

Don't be absurd. Selina is way to big to curl up on the keyboard, eats completely ordinary human food (typically expensive food if someone else is paying for it), has to my knowledge never brought mice into the Mansion nor the Cave and is far more likely to use me for a scratching post than any of my furniture. I was talking about ordinary house cats.

[Josh]

So what is dating Halle Berry like, anyway?

[Batman]

Wouldn't know, as she was never actually Selina. They just borrowed Selina's nom de guerre for that terrible excuse for a movie. Also,
*throws transmogrifier batarang at Josh*
That's for even insinuating that was a proper Catwoman movie.

[Dark Silver]

oh hell....he's brought back the Transmog bat-a-rangs....

[Batman]

What? I've got them up to working as intended 33% of the time and nobody ever died.

[frigidmagi]

Yeah that's a totally comforting reply there bats.

[Batman]

Most people would consider definitely not being killed to be a least somewhat comforting, yes. Besides, being a penguin or a husky for a few hours doesn't look so bad when what the batarang was set for was a bag of potato chips, wouldn't you say?

[Josh]

Unfortunately it seems you got 'polar bear offal' down pretty pat.

[Batman]

They seem to default to 'cold climate animals and related items' a lot for some reason.

[Josh]

I begin to understand why all your nemeses are so... ahem... passionate.

[Batman]

Do elaborate.

[Josh]

You turned me into polar bear guts.

I oozed all over my keyboard.

I loved that keyboard.

I am strongly considering becoming a keyboard-themed supervillain. However, I will need a bit more oomph for my origin story.

[Batman]

Josh all of my enemies (nevermind the iconical ones) predate the transmogrifier batarangs by several decades.
And I am not inconsiderably curious on how you'd put together a keyboard-themed supervillain.

[Josh]

Josh all of my enemies (nevermind the iconical ones) predate the transmogrifier batarangs by several decades.
And I am not inconsiderably curious on how you'd put together a keyboard-themed supervillain.

It's not the tools, it's the attitude Bats.

As for my supervillainry, it's a work in progress. I'm thinking something akin to the Riddler in terms of style, so he and I can team up and sling puns together. Like "Time to delete you!"

...

Yeah, working on it.

(My secret base will be the Home Row.)

[General Havoc]

And here I thought that the comments on this article could not possibly become stranger than the article itself...

[Josh]

And here I thought that the comments on this article could not possibly become stranger than the article itself...

Of all the things I like about you, it is your precious optimism that warms my heart the most.

[Steve]

This is madness!

No. THIS! IS! LIBARC!!!

*someone gets kicked into a pit*

[Josh]

Unfortunately the pit's only like two feet deep because none of our lazy arses could be bothered to dig it deeper.

So it lacks the dramatic flourish, really.

[frigidmagi]

If you had let me use the shaped charges like I wanted we could gotten a damn deep hole!

[Dark Silver]

....yes, but then you would run the risk of breaking apart the Big Stone and the Tower.

You know how much I like my Tower...

[Batman]

Not everybody thinks 'nuclear (or worse)' when they think shaped charges you know.

[frigidmagi]

Look, the tower can be rebuilt (the walls aren't thick enough anyways) and if you let me use a series of conventional I can get the hole deep enough that there be almost no radioactive fallout reaching the surface.

Then we would not only have a bottomless pit, but a radioactive bottomless pit! Tell me that isn't cool!

[Josh]

Not everybody thinks 'nuclear (or worse)' when they think shaped charges you know.

We have a word for such people.

The word is 'boring'.

[Batman]

There's by definition no such thing as a bottomless pit. It either ends somewhere, in which case it does have a bottom, it's just really far down, or you drill all the way through the planet, in which case it's no longer a pit, it's a tunnel on account of being open at both ends.