Author Feedback: General Havoc

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Jul 29, 2007 10:43 pm

So far, the General has some promise. Please post more.

Edit: Ok, let me refine that statement.

You have the characterizations dead on. Post more or the Empress will be Unhappy.

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:32 pm

I have finally finished what you've posted. It was damn good, continue.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:07 am

HAH! So that's why Raven played the 'dumb game' with Beast Boy!
Great Chapter!

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Thu Sep 27, 2007 1:47 am

Finally caught up. You're doing damn well at this.

I like how David isn't the awesome, super cool guy that everyone wants to be or be with. Nor does he have complete and total kickass as a power.

Instead David is fairly inept at this whole thing but able to raise above that.

10pts man.

General Havoc · Post by **General Havoc** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:36 am

Wow... thanks guys. I will keep going on this thing until it's finished, and if you wish, keep posting it here.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:08 am

I'm just wondering who the Man In Gold is...

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 8:21 pm

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It got cut off again! What is J.C.G.E?
Jump City General Electric? What?!?!?!?

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 11:27 pm

J.C.G.E.

Jump City Gas & Electric. OMG, he blew the gas main...

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:55 am

Havoc, I started reading this story of yours a couple of hours ago, out of mild curiosity. It is now nearly 5 am, and I just caught up with it.

Excellent writing, and mind you, I've never watched the show at all, nor am I familiar with any of the characters (apart from Robin, but only because of Batman).

You seem to have an affection for the fish-out-of-water sort of stories, where the reluctant hero must realize their own potential, and you do so well. This was deeply enjoyable to read, and I look forward to more.

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 2:19 am

And so, the plot thickens further with Cinderblock having his eyes closed for all time.

Excellent work, all around.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 2:53 am

Dude, you so rock.

Great job with Raven.

General Havoc · Post by **General Havoc** » Mon Nov 12, 2007 3:12 am

My goodness! Thank you both so much!

I'm sorry this chapter took so long, and will endeavor to complete Chapter 17 on time.

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Sat Dec 08, 2007 1:29 pm

Now, this is an interesting development with David's powers. This is going to be very interesting to see take shape as the chapters progress, that's for certain.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sat Dec 08, 2007 5:48 pm

Ok... what is inside David, and how does it know Trigun.

And whose wand? I know I should know it from another Titans villian...

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 11:05 am

Well worth the wait for it, Havoc. I told you the whole scene with Raven wasn't working as written. Now it's much better.

You had me laughing aloud several times with Cyborg and BeastBoy, and the conversation with StarFire at the end was touching. You've got their personalities and quirks down perfect, as I've said before. Great Job.

So... who's the next alert, hmm? And what name did he chose for his CodeName?

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 1:37 pm

I didn't say this last night (this morning, rather), but excellent work, Havoc. The training scene came across wonderfully, and now that I re-read Raven's part, I can't think of a single thing I'd suggest be changed - and hers was the only one I did think could stand improvement last night. Now, all of it flows well.

Well done - and of course I can't wait for the next chapter.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Feb 10, 2008 7:23 pm

Dude, that so could have been two separate chapters.

But damn if it wasn't a great ride

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:04 am

I disagree - that was excellent as one chapter. It seems that with each passing chapter, the little things; the subtleties are becoming easier for you, and you're challenging yourself with other subtleties that become part of your writing.

You're evoking imagery even better now, and considering that you were doing quite well with that before, that's no small thing.

Well done with chapter 19 - now I really am looking forward to chapter 20, and the aftermath of what happened in 19.

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 11:11 pm

Another excellently-written chapter, Havoc - the twist at the end was well-done.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:35 am

Very nicely done. I can't wait for the next chapter!

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 12:35 pm

I said this via IM, but I'll admit it here too - I really feel like I should have seen that twist coming, even though I was blindsided by it.

I won't spoil it for the haters who'll read the commentary thread before reading the actual chapter - but it was a good twist out of nowhere that was foreshadowed well, and I'm still annoyed at myself for not seeing it coming.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun May 18, 2008 4:47 pm

Dammit... you gave us a Cliffhanger! What Happens NEXT?!?!?

Oh, yeah.. great fight scenes, loved the scene-switching between the two battles. Great Job.

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Sun May 18, 2008 5:55 pm

Excellently-done scene-splitting, and cliffhanger-ing at the end for both. The scene with Terra was especially well-done, and well planned as well.

I await further developments.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 5:07 pm

You may make us wait forever for updates... but DAMN do you deliver!!!

rhoenix · Post by **rhoenix** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:06 pm

That was...wow.

I had to sit back and take in what happened for a moment after I finished reading, it was that good. Excellent work, and as always I'm left impatient for the next chapter.

LibriumArcana.Games

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