One of My favorite Posts on the Web (D&D related)

[Cynical Cat]

Monte Cook responding to a would evil conquerer's plan to attack the city of Ptolus.

Linkage: +++http://p222.ezboard.com/fokayyourturnfr ... D=83.topic

"I believe I have a nearly flawless plan of attack to take Ptolus."

Ptolus isn't known as some sort of impregnable fortress or anything.

"First off, I'd teleport a force of powerful clerics and a half-legion of paladins into the Necropolis, suported by crossbow infantry and a few abjurers during day. By nightfall, most of the Necropolis should be mine, giving me a foothold in the city itself."

That's a LOT of teleport spells. Wow. But ok, let's assume you've got that many 9th level wizards. The necropolis is yours. Until nightfall. You'll be wondering where they all went the next morning, though.

"To defeat the druid in the center, I'd bring in a few flying wizards and have them pelt it with fireball wands from above."

Also probably not a smart move, considering his level. Attacking a druid in the air probably not a good tactic. You'd be much smarter to just leave him alone. He's not going to care what you do.

"I'd then land my main force at the island off the coast and throw up a base. Then a fleet of warships with fireball-wand wielding mages and cannons would assault the docks."

Wow, you've got a lot of high level mages. You've obviously come from some other world through a gate. Hope you like it here, because you can't leave (but that's a little Ptolus secret). Anyway, that's by far the best defended, hardest to assault area. Are you sure that's where you want your main force? You're going to be bombarded by a surprising number of large cannons.

"I'd then have my main wizard force use mass fly, get over the tower of the Inverted Pyramid, and lay a nice, thick anti-magic shield over it, while using earth to mud right outside of the zone, trapping most of the wizards there."

Sadly, the IP doesn't have a tower. No one knows where their based of operations is. (It's marked on the map because that's a DM's map for the adventure.) Your wizards won't find the IP. That should scare them, if they're smart. (Of course, I don't know who these crazy wizards are anyway, no wizard in this world would attack the IP, unless they thought it might get them an invitation to join.)

"After that, I'd move my forces to the now-secure Necropolis and launch the main attack."

And find that your forces are all gone. And now there are even more well-armed undead in the Necropolis. And nobody wants that.

"I'd bring along a few cannons, because nothing is more annoying than a clump of resistance desparetly holding one street, and the cannons would be good for break that up. They'd be supported by a few companies of guninfantry, pikes, and crossbows."

You'd want to bring more than a few. The Commissar loves cannons.

"Then I'd spread plainclothes crossbow men all out into the city from the docks. They'd serve as snipers, knocking out key enemy posistions."

If you've already got this far, it's probably not necessary. The people of Ptolus are more likely to just give up than fight you on the streets.

"Then, the fire elementals on retainer get to play. I'd then surround the temple district with walls of force. By this time, the anti-magic should have worn off, so a small force of golems will strike at the tower."

Oh, but now you've gone and pissed the folks off. (Man, that's thousands of walls of force--and you know that the walls won't even be as tall as most of the buildings, right?)

"My clerics will not be used for direct assault. They will be moving among the wounded, who will all fall back to either the Necropolis or docks. There they will be healed and sent back to fight."

Cool. Won't they object to attacking their own temples, though? Ptolus has temples to every known god. Even most of the evil ones.

"Beforehand, however, I'll have bribed the thieves' guilds to run interference. Sniping, etc. And if they die in the fighting, not my fault. =)"

What thieves' guilds?

"My fleet will then sail up the river and begin the bombardment while I unleash caged owlbears on any large groups of enemy forces."

Sailing up that river will be a good trick. Make sure to bring an umbrella for protecting yourself from the sewage pipes that empty into it.

"Now, I'd have my mages renew their mass fly and begin a massive carpet-bombing run over the Noble's District."

To much cheering by the general populace.

"This will, at most, kill some nobles."

Doubtful. They've paid a lot of money to protect themselves from such things.

And how are you going to deal with all the dragons?

"This is important. I'll have swarms of fireballs incinerate the palace."

A horde attacked the palace trying similar tactics, on a day when divine magic didn't work, and still didn't succeed. But whatever.

"The commoners, who will mostly be soldiers, will then be disheartened. After all, if your rulers are dead, and you're being overrun, wouldn't your morale be done?"

Ptolus politics are very complicated, but if you actually managed to kill some nobles (who no one regards as rulers) or the Emperor of the church, well, the reaction will be mixed.

"My forces would seize every inn, tavern, and brothel they find and use it as an outpost."

Wow. That's going to take months all by itself. And you're going to make the populace mad again.

"Any mercenaries or adventurers found will be paid a handsome some to run strike missions against enemy posistions. Those who refuse, die."

Hmmm. Your plan involves making a lot of the wrong people mad. Ptolus, because of the stuff going on beneath the city, has the highest population of adventurers in the world, by FAR. And all the really high level ones.

"If all goes well, Ptolus would soon fly the Nasty Nasty Mena Mean Flag"

If that's your goal, there are much easier ways to achieve it. Like I said, Ptolus isn't designed to be a fortress, but violence and destruction aren't the best way to take over. Work on the inside, join with the supporters of the Republic, or the chaos cultists. They'll fly whatever flag you want.

[frigidmagi]

I remember this one! Why is it kids always resort to massive wizard use to "break the great fortess," it's not hard to grasp that there usually aren't that many powerful wizards and even then most of them have goals and desires higher than work has mercenary for evil overlord X. Hell most high powered wizards don't like each other, why would they work in such a group?

Eh Well, Monte handled it pretty well I think.

[Comrade Tortoise]

Shit, even given all those wizards, most big cities like that have wards against teleportation. Or can put them up very quickly

[Narsil]

Shit, even given all those wizards, most big cities like that have wards against teleportation. Or can put them up very quickly

Or even their own wizards...

Either way, Wizards in large groups are not a good idea, even if they DID like each other, since it often causes reality to break.

The best thing to do is to use a bunch of fighters, paladins (if applicable), and archers, with one or two wizards playing backup

[Cynical Cat]

Its not that it is improbable that a bunch of powerful wizards would get together, its improbable that they would then become a warlord's lackies instead of doing their own thing.

[Narsil]

You guys did not that its improbable that a bunch of powerful wizards would get together, its improbable that they would then become a warlord's lackies instead of doing their own thing.

Aye...

Wizards are wise enough to use their powers, not to kick ass, but to GET ass... That's what they'd be doing. Or at least it's what I'd be doing

[frigidmagi]

I don't know... From what I've read high level wizards seem to not like each others company or something.

Why is that anyways?

[Cynical Cat]

I don't know... From what I've read high level wizards seem to not like each others company or something.

Why is that anyways?

No reason that I've ever understood. It's a class that benefits from sharing. Plus you can see wizards guild, orders, and so on and so forth from Krynn to Warhammer to Toril to Ptolus (the Inverted Pyramind). Hostility implies an antagonistic or harshly competitive relationship (ala Black Company). I don't know about you, but I'm willing to swap my wish spell for your timestop, good buddy.

[Narsil]

I don't know about you, but I'm willing to swap my wish spell for your timestop, good buddy.

And I've got a "Sphere of Ultimate Destruction" if anyone will trade for a Meteor Swarm... Wizards shouldn't be antagonistic, they should join together and rule faerun!

[frigidmagi]

The guilds are made of lower level wizards usually. Blackstaff and Elimeister for example don't hang out togather, the 7 sisters get along better with miles between them, Rasiltan and the leaders of the orders on Krynn seemed to hate each other at first sight...

And lets not even talk about the kind of things high level warhammer wizards will do to each other...

[Cynical Cat]

Blackstaff and Elminster are both quite close with the Seven Sisters and bounce around going to each other's aid on the infrequent occassions that something manages to threaten them. The Leaders of the Orders of Wizardry got along quite well in Chronicles and Legends. Raistlin was a loose cannon. High Elf wizards train together at Hoeth and Imperial wizards are members of the Imperial Colleges of Magic. Waterdeep has its own wizard guild, Silverymoon is own mages organization. The Symbul has her own organization and then there's Rashaman. . . .

Plenty of examples of wizards cooperating on all sorts of game worlds.

[frigidmagi]

Blackstaff and Elminster are both quite close with the Seven Sisters and bounce around going to each other's aid on the infrequent occassions that something manages to threaten them.

And they help each other out once in awhile, so? They still do not spend to much time togather, hell they got thousands of miles inbetween them. Has for the 7 sisters, maybe I'm off but didn't Elminster raise them? (which now that I think about may be one of the reasons they live apart) Blackstaff married one of them I know that much.

High Elf wizards train together at Hoeth and Imperial wizards are members of the Imperial Colleges of Magic. Waterdeep has its own wizard guild, Silverymoon is own mages organization. The Symbul has her own organization and then there's Rashaman. . . .

And these are low level wizards being taught by and taking orders from a higher level wizard. I'm talking higher level on higher level, not lower to mid level wizards.

[Cynical Cat]

Thousands of miles is nothing for teleporting wizards. Hell, the Simbul sleeps over at Elminster's place. In the Realms, you don't even have to be on the same fucking plane to be instantly available for a conversation or support if you are powerful enough.

As for the wizards orders I mentioned, all of them contain high level wizards. Of course the contain lower level ones as well. They naturally congregate to the high level ones and provide useful labour for things the high level ones would like to see done and don't have the time to do. The existence of master/apprentice relationships doesn't invalidate the relationship the other high level types have with each other. Since all Imperial Wizards are College members and the Isle of Hoeth is the center of High Elven magical practice, of course you are going to have high and low powered wizards there.

An organization where there are only high levels is going to be secret or exclusive in order to prevent everyone from trying to join. The Arcane Brotherhood of Luskan, the Chosen of Mystra, and the Twisted Rune are such group. Any organization concerned with the gathering of knowledge is going to be less exclusive and thus have low level members.