Crappiest Superpower

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 8:39 am

Long story short, my brother and I got stuck in traffic and we were rather bored and started talking about weird things, and this was one of the things we discussed. What's the crappiest, stupidest superpower that you've ever read about, thought of, heard of, etc? Our thoughts:

1) Glowing in the dark - seriously, I can't think of a time that this would actually come in handy. It wouldn't even be useful for sneaking around. "Oooh, let me make myself stick out in the darkness!" This is why nobody wants to inject him/herself with jellyfish genes.

2) Being able to suck in one's arms and legs into one's trunk. Maybe Torso Boy (*nods to Weird Al*) would be more easily shippable in cargo crates and briefcases, but when would that be useful? How could you thwart the supervillian by pulling your arms into your torso?

3) Any kind of self-debilitating power, such as the power to paralyze yourself from the neck down. Yeah, that'll show 'em.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 3:01 pm

Define 'superpower', please. Are we talking about any extraordinary power, including X-Men style pointless mutations? Because there were a LOT of those.
And at least glowing in the dark means you can see in the dark. Maybe not much use in a fight but at least you're less likely to be run over by a car when walking alongside the road at night, and you're less likely to walk into things, too.

Narsil · Post by **Narsil** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 6:50 pm

Black Mage of 8-bit Theater fame recieved a spell which caused him to vomit out his internal organs.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 8:23 pm

There was Ten-Eyed Man. He was blind, but had eyes... in his fingertips. Um. Yeah.

Or the 'Rainbow Raider'. He was color-blind, but had glasses that could project a solid sheet of rainbow light which he could tool about upon a la the Silver Surfer, or suck the colour from people and objects. No, he wasn't gay. Yes, the name selection was pretty fucking bad in hindsight... :-P

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 10:50 pm

In Legion of Superheroes there was a hero whose power was to turn into a beach ball. Named Bouncing Boy he saved the galaxy in the 31st century. Also on this team was Karate Kid who was killed by a hand gun.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:57 pm

The Power to feel all pain in a kilometer+ radius severely sucks (J something in SW:Team Achilles had something very similiar)

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 7:36 am

frigidmagi wrote:In Legion of Superheroes there was a hero whose power was to turn into a beach ball. Named Bouncing Boy he saved the galaxy in the 31st century.

How? I can't even figure that one out.

And yes, being able to suck colors out of things really is crappy.

Batman - I'm generally talking about the things everybody else listed. Being born with skin that was funny colors isn't a superpower, but being able to change your skin to funny colors is.

Beach ball...did the comic writers break into the good stuff when they wrote that one?

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:40 am

The Legion of Superheroes was an odd mix of great stuff and strange, strange things. In the same team you had a telepath, an energy thrower, a shapeshifter and then a human beach ball.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 12:02 pm

You forget the guy whose power was that he could eat everything.

That was one weird superhero team.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 8:25 pm

Batman wrote:You forget the guy whose power was that he could eat everything.
That was one weird superhero team.

As someone who played WOD: Changeling, I have to say that being able to eat anything is a Damn Useful Power at times....

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 8:33 pm

It's more useful then becoming a ball for damn sure.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Mon Nov 27, 2006 9:18 pm

Batman wrote:You forget the guy whose power was that he could eat everything.

I can even still remember the hero's name: Matter-Eater Lad.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 9:21 pm

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:
Batman wrote:You forget the guy whose power was that he could eat everything.
I can even still remember the hero's name: Matter-Eater Lad.

...

Matter-Eater Lad? As opposed to what? Energy-Eater Lass? Gravitation-Eater Hermaphrodite? You'd think at that point the supers would just decide to go the path of Arthur from The Tick and just go by their first name until they think of something that doesn't suck.

I'd thought of something else, and now I've forgotten. Crap. Eh, it still probably wasn't as bad as turning into a beach ball.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Mon Nov 27, 2006 9:30 pm

Mayabird wrote:
Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:
Batman wrote:You forget the guy whose power was that he could eat everything.
I can even still remember the hero's name: Matter-Eater Lad.

...

Matter-Eater Lad? As opposed to what? Energy-Eater Lass? Gravitation-Eater Hermaphrodite? You'd think at that point the supers would just decide to go the path of Arthur from The Tick and just go by their first name until they think of something that doesn't suck.

Well, it's Silver Age, and it's Legion of Super Heroes. You get the picture.....

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:34 pm

Alright, I remembered what I was going to say.

One of my friends watches The Office and according to her, one of the characters claims to have the power to raise and lower his cholesterol levels at will. When asked, "Why would you want to raise your cholesterol level?" he answered, "So I can lower it." That's pretty crappy, I must admit.

Josh · Post by **Josh** » Wed Nov 29, 2006 6:36 pm

Ah yes, Matter-Eater Lad.

You have to remember that the LoSH was specifically a teenage group, so most of the members were something 'lad' or something 'lass' or something 'boy', whatever.

I remember the old intro to GURPS Wild Cards, where they discussed the superhero characters from their personal RPG that didn't make it into the novels. My personal favorite was Nova Boy, who had the power to make the sun go nova.

Once.

There was also Holy Roller, the obese preacher. And the guy who had the ability to make any woman in the world fall through the ceiling of his bedroom. Of course, he had no influence over what they did once they landed, so he could warp in a famous actress, have her slap him around, then leave.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Wed Nov 29, 2006 6:43 pm

Now that I think of it while it's not exactly a superpower per se, Silver Age Ultraboy comes to mind.
The guy has essentially all of Superman's powers, but he can only use them one at a time.
Um-how do you use superspeed OR superstrength without invulnerability?
Speed/powerpunch a guy when your invulnerability is off, say goodbye to the bones in your hand (at the very least).
Go superspeed in atmosphere, does the term air friction mean anything to you?
And you'd better not superspeed into any obstacles.

Oh, and there's the boy from X2/3 that could change channels on the TV by blinking.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » Wed Nov 29, 2006 8:03 pm

Batman wrote:Oh, and there's the boy from X2/3 that could change channels on the TV by blinking.

Cameo. His actual power is to control technology with his mind. Which, once you realize how much technology is in the world, is a big power.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Wed Nov 29, 2006 8:24 pm

SirNitram wrote:
Batman wrote:Oh, and there's the boy from X2/3 that could change channels on the TV by blinking.
Cameo. His actual power is to control technology with his mind. Which, once you realize how much technology is in the world, is a big power.

That's one ill-defined superpower.

Cynical Cat · Post by **Cynical Cat** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:12 am

LadyTevar wrote: As someone who played WOD: Changeling, I have to say that being able to eat anything is a Damn Useful Power at times....

Except Silver Age heroes didn't do much limb severing, so there goes a lot of the coolness.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 9:20 am

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:
Mayabird wrote:
Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote: I can even still remember the hero's name: Matter-Eater Lad.

...

Matter-Eater Lad? As opposed to what? Energy-Eater Lass? Gravitation-Eater Hermaphrodite? You'd think at that point the supers would just decide to go the path of Arthur from The Tick and just go by their first name until they think of something that doesn't suck.
Well, it's Silver Age, and it's Legion of Super Heroes. You get the picture.....

Yeah. To be fair though MEL Had extreme super strength when trying to eat something (Apparently the bugger could eat planets or stars from what I heard), though the logic behind this boggles the mind.

Cynical Cat · Post by **Cynical Cat** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:02 pm

The Grim Squeaker wrote: Yeah. To be fair though MEL Had extreme super strength when trying to eat something (Apparently the bugger could eat planets or stars from what I heard), though the logic behind this boggles the mind.

Did you just try to apply logic to the Silver Age? *Smacks Squeeker on the snout with a rolled up magazine* Bad Death of Rats.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:08 pm

In all fairness I did the same with Silver Age Ultraboy. So bring your rolled-up magazine.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 3:47 pm

Cynical Cat wrote:
LadyTevar wrote: As someone who played WOD: Changeling, I have to say that being able to eat anything is a Damn Useful Power at times....
Except Silver Age heroes didn't do much limb severing, so there goes a lot of the coolness.

Limb severing is for pussy Redcaps.

Real Redcaps use the Swallow Whole combat maneuver.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:16 am

SirNitram wrote:
Cynical Cat wrote:
LadyTevar wrote: As someone who played WOD: Changeling, I have to say that being able to eat anything is a Damn Useful Power at times....
Except Silver Age heroes didn't do much limb severing, so there goes a lot of the coolness.
Limb severing is for pussy Redcaps.

Real Redcaps use the Swallow Whole combat maneuver.

They have that? (Makes note to re-read Changeling)

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