Sloganize me, bitches

[Josh]

I've got a batch of free embroidered shirts coming for the business, and so along with my spiffy-cool logo and business name (Some Nerve) I was figuring on enhancing each shirt with a different slogan.

So of course when you try to focus on coming up with something cool and compelling like a slogan, your brain locks up and stutters at you. The best I've come up with is 'Less pain, your gain' or 'No pain is your gain', neither of which is particularly grabby.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAALP.

[rhoenix]

ex. 1: "Teen pregnancies are at an all-time high.

The Solution?

SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR CHILDREN"


ex. 2: "I have new socks on!"


ex. 3: "Can you help me find my sarlacc? I lost it in the desert somewhere."


ex. 4: "Objects in shirt are closer than they appear, because ninjas"


ex. 5: "Comrade Kerbal-Mao demands sacrifice for progress. Join Comrade Kerbal-Mao's Space Corps today!"


ex. 6: "I beat up Harry Potter, and all I got was one lousy chopstick"

[Batman]

Wow. And I thought my ideas were bad.

[Hotfoot]

Wow. And I thought my ideas were bad.

Oh, they are, but not for the reasons you think.

Anyway Josh, I'd have to know more about the business to get truly punny, but just based on your business name, here are some suggestions:

"We have it, and so can you!"

"If you never, then you never will."

"More than a little, less than a lot."

"We're just not sure which one."

"And it's our last one in stock!"

"Get on it!"

"It's Nerve or Nothing!"

"...you got coming back here, after what you pulled."

[rhoenix]

Wow. And I thought my ideas were bad.

I make no apologies.

[Josh]

Wow. And I thought my ideas were bad.

Oh, they are, but not for the reasons you think.

Anyway Josh, I'd have to know more about the business to get truly punny, but just based on your business name, here are some suggestions:

"We have it, and so can you!"

"If you never, then you never will."

"More than a little, less than a lot."

"We're just not sure which one."

"And it's our last one in stock!"

"Get on it!"

"It's Nerve or Nothing!"

"...you got coming back here, after what you pulled."

I do pain relief therapy by laying people on a bed and poking at their tender spots.

(That's the short, simplistic answer.)

The longer, more complicated answer is that I do my consult, lay them down, read their posture to determine what muscles are pulling out of line, then I move to the nerve clusters that are adhered to muscle/fascia and relax those adhesions.

It's typically screamingly painful (though sometimes for some people I can do it more gently.)

It falls under a massage license, but the technique isn't massage like you'll learn in a school anywhere (I learned it direct from the guy who invented it and he never made a formal school, something that I'm going to end up doing myself one of these days.)

The way I look at it is that I fix pain and realign the body so it's not beating the shit out of itself. Now I don't go into any mystical shit- if I'm unlocking anybody's chi meridians or chakras or woo-woo lines that's purely an accidental byproduct of me applying simple A&P and textbook kinesiology (as compared to the new wave woo woo kinesiology that seems to be promising all sorts of magical outcomes just like reflexology or chiroquactry.)

Now in keeping with my public image (which fortunately for me also matches my professional persona and general personality) I'm looking for ideas that are light-hearted but on the point. Point being: "Bring me your pain and I will (probably) fix it."

[General Havoc]

ex. 5: "Comrade Kerbal-Mao demands sacrifice for progress. Join Comrade Kerbal-Mao's Space Corps today!"

Damn you rhoenix. I invented Comrade Kerbal-Mao and will not have him robbed from me!

[B4UTRUST]

If you want to go all fancy and shit, you can always go for some classy latin.
Nullam dolorem sentire - To feel no pain
Perfer et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim. - Be patient and tough, some day this pain will be useful to you
Dolar transit poena temporali - Pain passes with temporary punishment

Edit:
Also - Adsit dum virtus, poena dabitur - the beatings will continue until morale improves
and
Aureum, aliquam verbum salutis - Orange is the safe word...though I don't think that's appropriate to your business...

[LadyTevar]

Aureum is GOLD/Golden, not ORANGE. Don't do Latin while drunk, my friend

[rhoenix]

Damn you rhoenix. I invented Comrade Kerbal-Mao and will not have him robbed from me!

You left him sniffling, shivering, and eyes watering in confusion and pain from being abandoned in the harsh, and bitter cold. I took pity on this poor dictator, and gave him a job - one that acknowledges his skills and accomplishments. He only has to put on a pizza costume and advertise outside of his local pizza restaurant on weekends for extra cash now.

I hear he's still mad that you owe him a paycheck or two.

[B4UTRUST]

Aureum is GOLD/Golden, not ORANGE. Don't do Latin while drunk, my friend

I did state that I was only about 80% sure on the translation. I think most of the rest was right though? What is the correct word for Orange in latin anyway? I seem to recall reading somewhere that oranges weren't in that region until (relatively) recently. If that was the case(not sure the truth in that one, seems odd) there may not be a word for it? Don't ask me, I only took the correspondence courses...

[Josh]

Nullam dolorem sentire

I LIKE IT

also

"It's Nerve or Nothing!"

[B4UTRUST]

Aww, not going with 'The beats will continue until (your) morale improves?'

[Josh]

I'm trying valiantly not to discourage people from coming in, see.

And for help I have my new unofficial sales rep at the gym yesterday explaining that "He has you take your shoes off so he can torture your feet."

[Hotfoot]

"We Knead You to Feel Better"
"Positive Peer Pressure"
"Tender Eyes With Strong Hands"
"Joint Operations"
"If It Were In Your Head, We Couldn't Work It Out"

[Josh]

Hmmm.

Got some good stuff here. Going to test market it with some of my clients.

Mind you, the problem with test marketing tends to be that they're in there being worked on and as a consequence tend to be agreeable to anything I suggest.

[Batman]

You could always present the slogans to your victims patients before you start working on them.

[B4UTRUST]

You could always present the slogans to your victims patients before you start working on them.

I think we can all agree here when I say that this is obviously no place for logic so kindly stop trying to force it upon us!

[Josh]

This one is a prototype that slipped in production, so it's not quite up to the snuff of the final product. Among other things, there's a bit of obvious asymmetry from the slippage, and the logo got a wee bit bolloxed.

But overall, pretty snazzy.

[B4UTRUST]

[frigidmagi]

I like the colors.

[Josh]

That general color scheme will be applied to various differently colored shirts- tan, blue, red, green. The only one that's out is black, because the prototype shirt for that one came out for shit. Too much black in the logo so it tended to wash out.