Here Stofsk asked me what I would have done in Episode I the Phantom Menace. In this thread I will attempt to answer that question. Thing to remember is I'm not George Lucas and I'm not writing the same story he is. We're simply to different for that to happen. At the same time I'm gonna try to make it match up to the original trilogy (that is episodes 4 to 6). Wish me luck.
Episode I, Debts Due. The set up.
It begins with the Droids. Or to be more expansive, it beings with the Droids replacing the Clones. While Limited Intelligence has been used in Drones, many members of The Republic had been using Clones as a labor force. They were the first edge of colonization, they were the prison guards, they were the guys who repaired the sewer systems, they ran and fixed the drones who did alot of the industrial labor and so on and so forth. While slavery is illegal in the The Republic, Clones are not recognized as sapient members, so legally they can't be slaves in the first place.
With the creation and perfection of Droids, there simply isn't any need for the Clones. Not to mention that Droids are vastly more efficient, cheaper and durable. While most prefer a slow phase out (simply stop growing Clones) a good number of Clone users simply tossed out the Clones in favor of Droids. They were done, it was time for them to curl up and die. They didn't.
It started as protests, petitions, simple requests for some justice. It spiraled to riots, attacks and terrorist actions. The crack down came hard, cause after all Clones aren't part of the Republic, they are outside it's protections and laws. What are they gonna do anyways? The answer came from a planet called Munificence. The clones there kept quite, took the factories program by program and built the weapons to turn themselves into a army. When they took the planet in only 3 days of fighting, they unveiled a fleet to help them hold the planet. The leader of the Clones came out into the spot light, calling himself Immanuel. In a Hypercast seen across all of civilization, Immanuel made his case, the Clones had upheld the status quo on their sweating backs for generation after ceaseless generation. They were the downtrodden, the ignored, the castoff. They had asked for justice, since it wasn't to be granted. They would simply take Empire for themselves instead and why not, hadn't they built it already?
Attempts to retake Munificence faltered in the face of domestic resistance from clones across the galaxy and the Clone Wars expanded like a forest fire. The Liberation Fleets of the Clones began attacking en mass. Planets and Sectors declared Neutrality. The Republic was forced to turn to volunteers from every section of society to build the armed forces need to fight off the enemy. Young men from low classes found themselves with a chance to become heroes. They leapt for it.
Our story takes place in the system of Tinct, a system under siege. Liberation Fleet 21, led by High Admiral Irenaeus is attempting to take the system. Newly formed units of the Grand Army of the Republic attempt to stop them. Among them Captain Anakin Skywalker, who has recently taken command of the 82nd Fighter Wing. He already has a reputation as a highly skilled pilot. The Liberation Fleet has already seized the outer system but is unable to press home a successful attack or bombardment of the planet Dis, the capital of the star system.
Meanwhile the Jedi, the Knights and Protectors of the ideals of the Republic are finally moving to take a hand in the war. A pair of Jedi Knights are leading a relief force along with an ambassadress from the Planet Alderaan, a princess of the royal house. The two Jedi's mission is to contact Republican forces, ensure their holding against attack and collect information on the character and actions of the enemy to the Jedi Counsel.
High Admiral Irenaeus somehow knows they're coming however and has set an ambush...
Star Wars Episode I, Alternate version.
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frigidmagi
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#1 Star Wars Episode I, Alternate version.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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Stofsk
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#2
Hmm... interesting. I certainly like the idea of Clones = slaves, rather than the laughable Prequel idea of Clones being a 'secret clone army ordered by a Jedi ten years ago who was actually dead at the time, orchestrated by a bounty hunter who tried to murder a Republic senator, who is actually working for Count Dooku who is a separatist and in league with the Sith, but lol every character will magically forget all of this because Yoda comes to the rescue with the Clonetroopers... and no one will ever ask why the enemies they're fighting manipulated events to make the Clones in the first place.'
Sorry, that above rant could be called "And that's why Attack of the Clones is a shit movie". Seriously, the Jedi were so incredibly stupid you'd have to wonder how they remembered to breath.
What would you have done with the Jedi?
Sorry, that above rant could be called "And that's why Attack of the Clones is a shit movie". Seriously, the Jedi were so incredibly stupid you'd have to wonder how they remembered to breath.
What would you have done with the Jedi?
#3
A much better start as well. I'll be honest, I like the idea of the Clones being the instigators of the war here, it makes more sense as to why the damned thing is called the Clone Wars.
I would probably throw something in with the clone creators aiding the clones in some way, but that's me.
I like the idea of Anakin being a badass, but I would probably mesh the original Lucas concept and yours a bit. Start him out youngish, like Luke, but thrust into the war due to circumstances beyond his control. Set it up so we can see strong parallels with Luke, but also see the beginnings of his fall from grace.
I would probably throw something in with the clone creators aiding the clones in some way, but that's me.
I like the idea of Anakin being a badass, but I would probably mesh the original Lucas concept and yours a bit. Start him out youngish, like Luke, but thrust into the war due to circumstances beyond his control. Set it up so we can see strong parallels with Luke, but also see the beginnings of his fall from grace.
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rhoenix
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#5
That would be awesome.Hotfoot wrote:By the way, if you flesh this out enough, I may well co-opt it into my ongoing Saga game.
Keep going Frigid, I'm already enjoying your take on this trilogy.
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frigidmagi
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#6
We open in space.
The column of the relief fleet has emerged from Hyperspace only to walk right into a Liberation Fleet ambush. The scene is at first silence with the long elegant ships floating in blackness illuminated by the bright flashes of turbolasers and brief flickering of flames. The camera pulls along closer until you get a close up fly by of a ship on fire, falling out of formation, shedding escape pods and stubbornly returning fire on it's killers. Sound comes on of radio voices, both calm male voices reporting firing and position and more frantic male voices calling for aide and reporting damage.
Scene shifts to a bridge, it is on the slightly dim side. Young men and women in grey uniforms work quietly and calmly, they all share 1 of 3 or 4 faces. Standing on a slightly raised podium a figure, taller then all the rest, stands in grey robes and a shifting holographic mask. It's head is bent down and it's posture one of intensive concentration. It whips it's head up with a shuddering gasp, throwing it's arms wide. A young man rushes forward.
"High Admiral Irenaeus!" He cries. The Admiral throws up a hand and whispers.
"I've found them." it replies in clearly distorted voice and rattles off a set of coordinates along with the orders to intensive fire on that ship.
On the ship in question, the scene is less serene. Young men and women in black uniforms rush status reports on the ship and the fleet in strained voices, in some cases running on and off the bridge. The center of this is a much older man, with large flaring white mutton chops and hair ordering his fleet to pull back and prepare to retreat. A pair of doors open behind him and a women in a white dress with gold touches and jewelry storms through with a pair of men in brown and white robes behind her. She has dark hair and eyes, the men both have lighter brown hair, one is clearly older then the other with a beard while the younger man is clean shaven.
She is the ambassador, a princess of the planet Alderaan, sent to strengthen ties with Tinct and bring the assurances of the central government. She demands that the admiral not retreat from the system but carry out his mission to reinforce and aide the defending fleet. The Admiral yells his reply at he can't do that mission if his fleet is slaughtered in the very Oort cloud of said system. At this moment they are interupted by a hollered report that fire as intensified on the ship and the deflectors cannot hold for more then another minute. The Admiral whips around ordering a formation change and the beginnings of a withdrawal. The two men in robes look at each other but say nothing. The damage climbs for a tense moment or two when a brash young voice echos from the radio.
"Relief Fleet, this is 82nd SFW Actual. Would you like some assistance?" The Admiral while clearly offended doesn't turn the voice down.
Scene shifts, a swarm of small craft fill the screen, they are snubbed nosed, ugly, armored and heavily armed with grinning mouths of fangs painted on. We focus in on one craft, painted bright white. A young blue eyed, blond man sits in a dark flight suit grinning.
"Aye, Aye Admiral, we'll blow a road inside for you, just sit tight Sir!" He says and reaches down and flips a toggle.
"Boys and Girls, the Admiral of the mighty relief fleet is asking for a bit of help. Who Wants to Kill Some Clones?" The radio is filled with affirmative howls in response.
"Alright my bloodthirsty dears. Form up by the numbers we're going in hot, whoever gets the least kills has paint the kill stamps! GO!" He cries gunning his fighter forward.
The swarm clearly in the triple digits leaps forward and swiftly closes in on the rear of the Liberation Fleet and begins attacking the larger, more powerful but less numerous ships. They close quickly and Liberation Fleet ships begin exploding. The relief ships begin to push to meet the fighters and fight their way through.
On the Liberation Fleet Flagship, High Admiral Irenaeus spins and leaves his podium to look over the shoulder of a nervous clone at a screen showing the fighters.
"I did not see you. I never see you. How are you hiding yourself from me? Who Are You?" It whispers in it's distorted voice.
On the Relief Fleet the two men in orders stare at the screen and whisper ignored the Admiral firing off orders and his officers repeating them and bringing reports. The ambassador simply stands off to the side with a smile as they push through and escape.
"Did you feel that, Master?" whispers the younger man.
"No... I felt... Nothing not even during the battle from them, did you?" Asked the older one.
"I did... Only after the radio contact though. That man... The one who led our rescue, Master, he was using the Force. I am sure of it."
"Strange that you felt it and I did not. He must be... Hiding himself somehow, but... why? And where would he have gained the training to do so? We must know more before we act." decided the older one.
The fleet and the fighters win through to the orbit of a inner planet, green, white and blue with many gleaming bronze colored space stations around it. A pair moons orbit around it as well. The fighters divert to one and begin landing inside a shielded hanger that leads underground. Cheers erupt as the radio announcement of the battle spreads.
"82nd, Immortal 82nd! Skywalker and the 82nd!" They cry as the figthers land and Captain Anakin Skywalk climbs out of his fighter waving his arms.
TBC
The column of the relief fleet has emerged from Hyperspace only to walk right into a Liberation Fleet ambush. The scene is at first silence with the long elegant ships floating in blackness illuminated by the bright flashes of turbolasers and brief flickering of flames. The camera pulls along closer until you get a close up fly by of a ship on fire, falling out of formation, shedding escape pods and stubbornly returning fire on it's killers. Sound comes on of radio voices, both calm male voices reporting firing and position and more frantic male voices calling for aide and reporting damage.
Scene shifts to a bridge, it is on the slightly dim side. Young men and women in grey uniforms work quietly and calmly, they all share 1 of 3 or 4 faces. Standing on a slightly raised podium a figure, taller then all the rest, stands in grey robes and a shifting holographic mask. It's head is bent down and it's posture one of intensive concentration. It whips it's head up with a shuddering gasp, throwing it's arms wide. A young man rushes forward.
"High Admiral Irenaeus!" He cries. The Admiral throws up a hand and whispers.
"I've found them." it replies in clearly distorted voice and rattles off a set of coordinates along with the orders to intensive fire on that ship.
On the ship in question, the scene is less serene. Young men and women in black uniforms rush status reports on the ship and the fleet in strained voices, in some cases running on and off the bridge. The center of this is a much older man, with large flaring white mutton chops and hair ordering his fleet to pull back and prepare to retreat. A pair of doors open behind him and a women in a white dress with gold touches and jewelry storms through with a pair of men in brown and white robes behind her. She has dark hair and eyes, the men both have lighter brown hair, one is clearly older then the other with a beard while the younger man is clean shaven.
She is the ambassador, a princess of the planet Alderaan, sent to strengthen ties with Tinct and bring the assurances of the central government. She demands that the admiral not retreat from the system but carry out his mission to reinforce and aide the defending fleet. The Admiral yells his reply at he can't do that mission if his fleet is slaughtered in the very Oort cloud of said system. At this moment they are interupted by a hollered report that fire as intensified on the ship and the deflectors cannot hold for more then another minute. The Admiral whips around ordering a formation change and the beginnings of a withdrawal. The two men in robes look at each other but say nothing. The damage climbs for a tense moment or two when a brash young voice echos from the radio.
"Relief Fleet, this is 82nd SFW Actual. Would you like some assistance?" The Admiral while clearly offended doesn't turn the voice down.
Scene shifts, a swarm of small craft fill the screen, they are snubbed nosed, ugly, armored and heavily armed with grinning mouths of fangs painted on. We focus in on one craft, painted bright white. A young blue eyed, blond man sits in a dark flight suit grinning.
"Aye, Aye Admiral, we'll blow a road inside for you, just sit tight Sir!" He says and reaches down and flips a toggle.
"Boys and Girls, the Admiral of the mighty relief fleet is asking for a bit of help. Who Wants to Kill Some Clones?" The radio is filled with affirmative howls in response.
"Alright my bloodthirsty dears. Form up by the numbers we're going in hot, whoever gets the least kills has paint the kill stamps! GO!" He cries gunning his fighter forward.
The swarm clearly in the triple digits leaps forward and swiftly closes in on the rear of the Liberation Fleet and begins attacking the larger, more powerful but less numerous ships. They close quickly and Liberation Fleet ships begin exploding. The relief ships begin to push to meet the fighters and fight their way through.
On the Liberation Fleet Flagship, High Admiral Irenaeus spins and leaves his podium to look over the shoulder of a nervous clone at a screen showing the fighters.
"I did not see you. I never see you. How are you hiding yourself from me? Who Are You?" It whispers in it's distorted voice.
On the Relief Fleet the two men in orders stare at the screen and whisper ignored the Admiral firing off orders and his officers repeating them and bringing reports. The ambassador simply stands off to the side with a smile as they push through and escape.
"Did you feel that, Master?" whispers the younger man.
"No... I felt... Nothing not even during the battle from them, did you?" Asked the older one.
"I did... Only after the radio contact though. That man... The one who led our rescue, Master, he was using the Force. I am sure of it."
"Strange that you felt it and I did not. He must be... Hiding himself somehow, but... why? And where would he have gained the training to do so? We must know more before we act." decided the older one.
The fleet and the fighters win through to the orbit of a inner planet, green, white and blue with many gleaming bronze colored space stations around it. A pair moons orbit around it as well. The fighters divert to one and begin landing inside a shielded hanger that leads underground. Cheers erupt as the radio announcement of the battle spreads.
"82nd, Immortal 82nd! Skywalker and the 82nd!" They cry as the figthers land and Captain Anakin Skywalk climbs out of his fighter waving his arms.
TBC
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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frigidmagi
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#8
Yeah that was a bit over the line. I wanted to show that this was a completely different Anakin but looking back on it that just seemed to be pushing it.Looks good, though I think having Skywalker call his squad "bloodthirsty dears" might be a bit much.
Okay, any suggestions for how I show a shift in conversation then? Because at that point he's talking to his squadron not to the Admiral.Also, if it's the same character talking, you shouldn't make new paragraphs for them.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken