Why, those affairs?

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

I have to admit something :sad:

Since I broke up with my ex last year, three times I've already had affair with married women. All of them were emotional, though. Nothing physical.


I just noticed several things:

(1) All of them have marriage problems; right from being dumped by the husband (but not divorced) to lack of romance.

(2) All of them are mature. In fact, I haven't ever had an affair with childish woman (or probably not yet? :( )

(3) All of them are smart, independent-type.

(4) All of them have surpressed emotion that they cannot tell their husband, but share it all with me (at least what they said).

(5) We flirted a lot, but subtle.

(6) My attitude since the breakup is best described as 'brooding', which drove the single ladies away.


So I wonder, why? I have been brooding an cold, but why the married ones weren't turned away by the attitude? Does it actually attract them? Also, why they were so excited like highschools in love? I mean, I knew they're all mature, and they're married as well. But more importantly, WHY ON FUCKING EARTH I actually responded to them? What's really wrong with me? :sad:

I'm not sure, but it seems they have some sort of 'emotional thirst' that can't be satisfied from their husband (they all have marriage problems), while myself, being broken by my latest ex, can't help but responding. Am I correct? Or there's simply something wrong with myself?

[Ra]

I guess it's just because these ladies haven't gotten what they want from their marriage. It looks to me like they're searching for a love they just aren't getting. I don't know...
- Ra

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

I guess it's just because these ladies haven't gotten what they want from their marriage. It looks to me like they're searching for a love they just aren't getting. I don't know...
- Ra

but why me? Like I said, I've been actually brooding & melancholic since the breakup. In fact, are those flirtings and the excitements always happened after all those shared emotions, not before.

[Caz]

From a psychological standpoint, it's actually a simple and common phenomena.

Seeing you being brooding and contemplative clues them in that you'd be open to an emotional conduit they simply don't share with their husbands, and most women crave emotional stimulation on a higher level than they crave physical stimulation.

[Stofsk]

But I brood and contemplate all the time and I don't get any...

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

From a psychological standpoint, it's actually a simple and common phenomena.

Seeing you being brooding and contemplative clues them in that you'd be open to an emotional conduit they simply don't share with their husbands, and most women crave emotional stimulation on a higher level than they crave physical stimulation.

Am I correct to say that women with marriage problems actually feel more lonely than single women, and tend to have larger soft spots for brooding guy?

See, because my attitude actually drives most singles away. There are single women have tried to approached me, but turned away by my indifference. Those married (and troubled) women, on the other hand, were just getting more encouraged to crack open the ice.

[Caz]

From a psychological standpoint, it's actually a simple and common phenomena.

Seeing you being brooding and contemplative clues them in that you'd be open to an emotional conduit they simply don't share with their husbands, and most women crave emotional stimulation on a higher level than they crave physical stimulation.

Am I correct to say that women with marriage problems actually feel more lonely than single women, and tend to have larger soft spots for brooding guy?

See, because my attitude actually drives most singles away. There are single women have tried to approached me, but turned away by my indifference. Those married (and troubled) women, on the other hand, were just getting more encouraged to crack open the ice.

Correct. There's actually a name for the phenomena but I can't remember it at the moment.

Single individuals, men and women alike, tend to have an independent streak even if they're currently looking for a relationship. They could see that brooding quality as being emotional and be turned off by it because they believe that dating an emotional guy wouldn't give them protection.

And married women who lack intimacy with their husband on an emotional level tend to be clingy and dependent, as well as prone to things like promiscuity and substance abuse.

See, most guys don't know this, but when they try to give off that "I'm brooding and indifferent" air, most women look at them and see that he's emotional and probably hurt. Group A, the singles and independents, see that as a sign that he's possibly weak and confused and therefore might not provide for them. Group B, the dependents, want to get under his skin and find out why he's hurting because their own husbands or lovers don't offer them that sort of opportunity.

[B4UTRUST]

I'm with Stofsk on this one. Why don't I get married women after me?

[Lindar]

I'm with Stofsk on this one. Why don't I get married women after me?

*SWAT*

<edit>do you want them after you?

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

See, most guys don't know this, but when they try to give off that "I'm brooding and indifferent" air, most women look at them and see that he's emotional and probably hurt. Group A, the singles and independents, see that as a sign that he's possibly weak and confused and therefore might not provide for them. Group B, the dependents, want to get under his skin and find out why he's hurting because their own husbands or lovers don't offer them that sort of opportunity.

I see.

No wonder most of my affairs have been emotional ones. Is it safe to say that most women coming to me are the emotionally-deep ones? See, in my latest affair, she appeared to be cheerful and outgoing all the time, but once we got to know each other better, turned there's something that she's been hiding all the time.

Even with the case of my latest ex, she also appearred to be cheerful and happy (party girl-type), but turned out that she's been hiding her childhood trauma and the likes, and she touched me in a way I have never been touched before. :sad:

Isn't that also the sign that I'm always interested in an emotionally-deep type or what?

[Caz]

See, most guys don't know this, but when they try to give off that "I'm brooding and indifferent" air, most women look at them and see that he's emotional and probably hurt. Group A, the singles and independents, see that as a sign that he's possibly weak and confused and therefore might not provide for them. Group B, the dependents, want to get under his skin and find out why he's hurting because their own husbands or lovers don't offer them that sort of opportunity.

I see.

No wonder most of my affairs have been emotional ones. Is it safe to say that most women coming to me are the emotionally-deep ones? See, in my latest affair, she appeared to be cheerful and outgoing all the time, but once we got to know each other better, turned there's something that she's been hiding all the time.

Even with the case of my latest ex, she also appearred to be cheerful and happy (party girl-type), but turned out that she's been hiding her childhood trauma and the likes, and she touched me in a way I have never been touched before. :sad:

Isn't that also the sign that I'm always interested in an emotionally-deep type or what?

It's not surprising to me, considering that these women are probably not looking for a physical relationship as things like sex have taken a backseat in their lives to looking for someone/something to fill that emotional void.

Sometimes people just attract certain types of people, ya know? It's how a woman marries four wifebeaters in a row, even if she swears she's trying not to.