LibriumArcana.Games

Frankly, I'm not sure why the fuck I wrote this thread on the first place. Also, the poll is maybe a false dilemma, but I just wonder whether any other people who is not interested to get married at all.....

....besides myself.


Well, now I'm 30, still single, and still haven't got any interests to get myself in a serious commitment.

Actually, I wasn't this extreme before my latest (and biggest) heartbreak around mid-2004, but even before that, I never felt any "urgency" to get seriously committed either. However, despite my previous heartbreaks, I was still open to the possibility that I may get permanently attached to someone someday.

But that was before the latest one.

Now, I have been totally uninterested in a permanent relationship. At all.

It has been almost two years since that one biggest screwup in my life. I thought it would be only temporary (like previous cases), but even without the bitterness, the total lack of interest is still there. I dunno', I'm just not interested at all *shrugs*. I still date some women, but nothing permanent. Even when I'm really attracted to the woman, the interest to get serious is still not there. Nope. Nein. Non. Nada. Fuck No.

And probably it also explains my tendency to have affair with married women (No, this is not justification and I still did the wrong thing that I should not do again in the future). See, I actually feel way safer when having such relationship, because it won't be possible for me to get "trapped" in a permanent relationship with them, because they are already married!


Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm just (sub-consciously) still feeling the pain? I'm not sure. All I really know for sure is that I'm simply, totally, not interested in a permanent relationship. As a note, even before the latest heartbreak, I always enjoyed being single, so it is never difficult to indulge myself that way like I do now.

Anyway, I tried to compare with the other people I know who also got screwed up in their relationship. One of them was screwed by his fiancee just before their marriage (she ran away with another guy), but now he's married with another woman. I don't think he is a good example, though, because the reason of his marriage is things like social pressure and "oriental" values and such.

I have another friend who was screwed as well, but she still has the hope, and more importantly, the interest to get a serious relationship. Like me, she keeps dating the opposite sex. But unlike me, her goal is to get a serious relationship. (anyway, she already has permanent boyfriend by now).


Last but not least, I feel actually nothing wrong with my total lack of interest in serious relationship. In fact, I always enjoy being free. However, the fact it was started since my latest heartbreak disturbs me somewhat; is it actually "normal"? Am I the only guy who is uninterested in marriage at all?



PS: don't we need an ARSE-esque forum?

I'm voting none of the above.

It's not that I have a strong desire to get married, but I've had my heart broken and don't want to rush into a marriage that may end horribly. Now I'm only 18 so I'm in no hurry any way. I would however like to find that one and only person that I can let myself fall in love with and not worry. But taking a different view, I'm not sure if anyone would really want to marry me... *shrugs*

Than again, it's much more acceptable for a man to remain single for his life than a woman.

I have zero desire to wed. Or do anything of that relationship-esque nature. I have a rather shallow perspective on the whole matter, since I have never actually had a relationship, but I have no drive to change that. None. Nadda.

I fully expect to wake up some day 40 years from now and still be a virgin, and not fret over it. *shrug*

Now, KAN, I am not normal, so don't use me as a benchmark But I don't think we really need to rush off into some kind of fleshy contract, if it happens it happens, but who needs to rush?

I certainly want to get married, the sooner the better. It would be great; having someone always there. I'd love it.


And about an ARSEy forum; I support it.

I'm 22, 23 on Saturday(the 18th) and me personally? Yeah I'd like to get married. Am I in a huge hurry to do so? Not overly. I'd like to be married by the time I'm 30. I've always pictured myself as the family type so this isn't an unexpected thing for me.

And Cass, any guy would be lucky to marry you ;)

Personally; Not Right At This Moment.

In the future; Of Course.

It's just that I'm currently not-quite-old-enough to Marry. I'm almost old enough, and given four months I will be. But marriage is something you settle into, not step up to. It's a 'settling down' move, and I'm a whole three years away from having experienced a full two-decades in full. So, no, I'm not willing to marry anyone yet, but give-or-take seven-eight years, maybe so.

I again share my parents' beliefs on marriage. One of them is to not aim on getting married. Let things happen on their natural course. If you are actively looking to get married, you'll probably make a mistake because you'll ignore big "DON'T GET MARRIED" signs and see only what you want to see (people do it all the time...I could go into the Mormon boyfriend story again but I think people are tired of that.)

They got married in their middle thirties, first marriage, and a more not-disfunctional (functional just doesn't seem to fit) happy marriage you couldn't find. Well, maybe you could, in the same way that mass spontaneous proton decay is theoretically possible but very highly improbable.*

I'm not going to be hostile. I'm not going to put all my effort into it. I'll let things go as they will.

*Yeah, that's probably too much of an exaggeration, but I'm also impatient about using weird phrases I think up when I'm bored in class. Chances to use "mass spontaneous proton decay" just don't come up.

Mayabird wrote:I again share my parents' beliefs on marriage. One of them is to not aim on getting married. Let things happen on their natural course. If you are actively looking to get married, you'll probably make a mistake because you'll ignore big "DON'T GET MARRIED" signs and see only what you want to see (people do it all the time...I could go into the Mormon boyfriend story again but I think people are tired of that.)

They got married in their middle thirties, first marriage, and a more not-disfunctional (functional just doesn't seem to fit) happy marriage you couldn't find. Well, maybe you could, in the same way that mass spontaneous proton decay is theoretically possible but very highly improbable.*

Actually, that was also my stance before my latest heartbreak around mid-2004.

Mayabird wrote:I'm not going to be hostile. I'm not going to put all my effort into it. I'll let things go as they will.

Well, my stance on marriage is more about "total lack of interest" instead of "hostility". I don't know, but since the latest heartbreak, I just don't have any interest at all.

The Silence and I wrote:I fully expect to wake up some day 40 years from now and still be a virgin, and not fret over it. *shrug*

Um, you don't have to marry to have sex, you know!

Um, you don't have to marry to have sex, you know!

Um... I dont think he is interested in sex at all. There is a reason I call him a droid.

Comrade Tortoise wrote:

Um, you don't have to marry to have sex, you know!

Um... I dont think he is interested in sex at all.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:

Mayabird wrote:I'm not going to be hostile. I'm not going to put all my effort into it. I'll let things go as they will.

Well, my stance on marriage is more about "total lack of interest" instead of "hostility". I don't know, but since the latest heartbreak, I just don't have any interest at all.

Actually, that's how they were before they met each other. They were happy being single, as it meant that they could be unattached and go where they pleased and do what they wanted (my dad was at that point on his "I'm going to wander west" journey, just because). They weren't hostile, but they weren't interested at all. Not even dating. My mom only dated a few men on the insistance of her parents, but it was only for their (meaning, her parents'...this is neither the time nor place for a rant about Japanese men) sakes. I don't think my dad was interested in anyone if he dropped everything and went west with no destination in mind.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:

Comrade Tortoise wrote:

Um, you don't have to marry to have sex, you know!

Um... I dont think he is interested in sex at all.

You wouldn't be so shocked if you knew him like I do

Oh hell yes I want to get married. I still have this princess dream of falling hopelessly in love with someone, getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after.

On a more serious note, everyone has something that, for no apparent reason, they just feel that they need to do in their life. Wife/mommy is mine.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:

Comrade Tortoise wrote:

Um, you don't have to marry to have sex, you know!

Um... I dont think he is interested in sex at all.

It's true. I've known the guy for a number of years and at the most I can get a "That's an attractive specimen of female." out of him. He has no interest in sex, let alone commitment.

Sorry to speak for you there Silence.

Charon wrote:

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:

Comrade Tortoise wrote: Um... I dont think he is interested in sex at all.

It's true. I've known the guy for a number of years and at the most I can get a "That's an attractive specimen of female." out of him. He has no interest in sex, let alone commitment.

Sorry to speak for you there Silence.

Is not problem, eh? This thing you call commitment, it seems a dark small room with no windows. I like windows. With curtains.

The Silence and I wrote:Is not problem, eh? This thing you call commitment, it seems a dark small room with no windows. I like windows. With curtains.

Yes, I hate commitment too. But sex <> commitment, y'know!

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:

The Silence and I wrote:Is not problem, eh? This thing you call commitment, it seems a dark small room with no windows. I like windows. With curtains.

Yes, I hate commitment too. But sex <> commitment, y'know!

Ah, but in my head sex is another face of the same coin. That coin is risk.

Sex = risk of disease and unwanted children at least, possibly with the risk of unintentional relationships too.

So what's the gain? Fleeting pleasure? Stacked against long-term possible bad things(TM) it makes no sense to me to pursue this.

Now, my reasons are more complicated than I just illustrated, but the above will do as a summary. Many other factors plus the above plus time result in me: "Droid boy" as some call me.

The Silence and I wrote:
Is not problem, eh? This thing you call commitment, it seems a dark small room with no windows. I like windows. With curtains.

Darlin, I never pegged you so cynical, even if you put it very eloquently.

On a personal note, I love being married...the second time around. The first time was not a fun thing, and it was a sense of duty that made it last from past the first year until year 8 when we divorced.

imperfectvision, however, is a wonderful man to be committed to...for me. We ebb and flow like water, melding where it is needed for each other. Helps that he has humor "with teeth" like I do.

I would say the first marriage was the darkened room for me. The second has been like a wormhole in which time is suspended.

Oh and...as far as normall...

it is subjective, Kan. What will make you happy?

If bachelorhood is it for you, by god, go for it. There are quite a few women who are not looking for Mr Right, but Mr Right Now.

But as long as you are surrounded by love, life, and laughter, I would say it is completely your preference on whether you need to be married or not, so don't beat yourself up :P

Eventually....i hope.

Marriage and kids are most certainly in my "plan for life" but not a major necessity.

I was exatly in your shoes a while ago. Destiny and fath changes you.
It means you have not met the one for you.

Ali Sama wrote:It means you have not met the one for you.

You know, that was always my stance five or six years ago. Now I guess I'm just totally giving up now. My enjoyment of freedom and living single only strenghten my current stance.

I guess I'd like to get married one day, I like stability and all that stuff, I just can't seem to find a girl who is not absolutly insane.

Shark Bait wrote:I guess I'd like to get married one day, I like stability and all that stuff, I just can't seem to find a girl who is not absolutly insane.

Are you sure it's the girls?

J/k but seriously i don't understand why it's such a big deal.