Would you accept someone that doesn't love you?

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:05 am

Well, I never thought this could happen, but after observing other's experience, as well as mine :( , I guess people can choose someone they don't love. I don't mean to be sexist, but in my experience, women are able to do such thing more than men; choosing someone they don't love, that is.

So, here's the scenario: you fall in love with a someone, but you know that she doesn't love you back. In fact, she falls in love with someone else. However, the guy she falls in love with is a scroundel who merely plays with her. So she was hurt and broken.

But certain circumstances force her to have a husband / boyfriend (or such). She doesn't fall in love with you, but she knows you are a good guy. She also knows that you really love her.

So after some interactions, she expresses her interest to have a serious relationship wit you; the one that leads to marriage. However, you know she doesn't love you. As for her, she never explicitly says that she does not love you, but she never says that she loves you either. But she keeps complimenting you; saying that you are responsible, good-hearted, and such.

Well, given the situation that you really love her, would you accept? Or would you not?

Note: this is not a golddigger scenario; she does not screw you for money. She appreciate your good characters and the likes, but still, she doesn't love you. In fact, she's brokenhearted by another guy.

Robert Walper · Post by **Robert Walper** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:28 am

I voted no. Most definitely. In the end, you're simply setting yourself up for heartache.

Sooner or later, she will interact with someone else on a intimate level whom she will have strong feelings for. In which case, she will drop you quickly. Quite possibly with feelings of guilt and not liking it, but it will happen nonetheless.

I'd personally avoid such a situation like the plague.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:37 am

Robert Walper wrote:I voted no. Most definitely. In the end, you're simply setting yourself up for heartache.

Sooner or later, she will interact with someone else on a intimate level whom she will have strong feelings for. In which case, she will drop you quickly. Quite possibly with feelings of guilt and not liking it, but it will happen nonetheless.

I'd personally avoid such a situation like the plague.

I would say no either.

However, if I don't love her, then I would be merely insulted. See, she chooses me because I'm "responsible, good-hearted", and blah-blah-blah; not because she's in love with me. (Doesn't it suck to be a good guy?) In fact, such thing happened a year ago. Fortunately I didn't love her so I just shrugged off and laughed (albeit insulted), but that was no big problem.

If I really love her, now that would be much much worse than feeling insulted. This thing had happened in my life as well, and suffice to say some scars just will never disappear.

Robert Walper · Post by **Robert Walper** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:55 am

I'd say it's a matter of principle as well. Any relationship, 'official' or not, is worthless and pointless without love in it.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 11:02 am

Seconding Walper, it's a formula for being screwed over.

In fact, it's the classic recipe for cuckolding in evolutionary behavior studies. The female (could be of any species that has pair bonding) picks Nice Guy who will stick around and help raise the kids. However, the kids are not Nice Guy's but Asshole 'Macho' Dickhead's, because she's sleeping around on the side. Couched in human terms, she wants "excitement" and her hubby isn't "giving it to her" so she cheats on him.

This is ignoring whether or not the marriage is arranged, which is its own totally different complete pile of shit.

Why are "certain circumstances" forcing her to get married? Are the relatives jerks or something? My aunt had "certain circumstances" that basically drove her into marriage with an asshole Baptist preacher (he was in it for the power trip), and twenty painful years later it ended with divorce and her children disowning her because they'd been brainwashed by their dad.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Sun Jan 15, 2006 1:33 pm

Mayabird wrote:Seconding Walper, it's a formula for being screwed over.

In fact, it's the classic recipe for cuckolding in evolutionary behavior studies. The female (could be of any species that has pair bonding) picks Nice Guy who will stick around and help raise the kids. However, the kids are not Nice Guy's but Asshole 'Macho' Dickhead's, because she's sleeping around on the side. Couched in human terms, she wants "excitement" and her hubby isn't "giving it to her" so she cheats on him.

I guess nice guys are always screwed. That's why, everytime women come to me and say that I'm a "good and responsible man" and "will be a good family man" and such, I usually avoid them like plague.

Mayabird wrote:Why are "certain circumstances" forcing her to get married?

Can't say anything about it. Too painful. Well it happened back in 2004 so I guess it has no relevance anymore now. I just wonder if there are actually people who would accept such offer, and why.

Rukia · Post by **Rukia** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:42 pm

I was in a "serious relationship" with someone I loved with all my heart but I knew that he didn't love me back. I still when along with it beacuse I wanted him to realize that I was putting everything into the relationship. But he never gave back. And now I'm bitter and heartbroken about it.

I have to ask, how do you know she doesen't love you? This is the deciding factor. Maybe she's too hurt right now to express any kind of feelings. Not many woman just decide to jump into a full on serious relationship without some kind of feeling for the man. Least not many that I know.

I'd say take it easy. Try to find out how she really feels rather than assume. If she tells you "I don't love you." Then your decision is pretty obvious. If she says something along the lines of "I don't know, or I need to think" than let her have her sapce. Thisd isn't a "NO" It's a I'm hurt and confused and need time but support.

Also, let her know how much you feel for her. And that if she dosedn't feel the same.. it wont work.

Comrade Tortoise · Post by **Comrade Tortoise** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 7:06 pm

Holy shit. hell froze over... I find myself agreeing with Walper

Robert Walper · Post by **Robert Walper** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:17 pm

Comrade Tortoise wrote:Holy shit. hell froze over... I find myself agreeing with Walper

It was only a matter of time before you started seeing my way. Resistance is...well, you know.

Lindar · Post by **Lindar** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:45 am

*votes yes*

As long as she was single to start with...(i'm guessing she'd break up with the first boyfriend to make it serious just one on one)

Caz · Post by **Caz** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:46 pm

No, because false pretenses are false pretenses. I don't accept such in business or personal affairs.

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